Little List of Methods

(By Jonathan Goodchild, with apologies to W.S. Gilbert)

As some day it may happen we’ve a challenge to complete,
I’ve got a little list — I’ve got a little list
Of complicated methods we’re unlikely to repeat,
And which never would be missed — which never would be missed!
The principles with mythic names that cannot be well struck,
Like Mercury and Saturn and Titanic: they all suck.
I Can’t Believe It’s Not Cambridge (which almost came for free),
Lou’s Carrot Treble Place on top of Percy Straining Tea,
The Ancient Leeds Efquire Youths, but the worst was Drivel List.
They’d none of ‘em be missed — they’d none of ‘em be missed!
 
There’s Beverley and Sureet, Ipswich, Norfolk, Primrose too,
I’ve got ‘em on the list, I’ve got ‘em on the list
Not forgetting Pinehurst Minor, plenty more did we accrue
Which never would be missed, which never would be missed.
And when it comes to trying to ring Stedman in Reverse,
The result’s complete confusion, it is really quite perverse.
There’s Minimus Finchampstead, and also Finch. Delight
And Differential Doubles (I’d go on like this all night),
But when we’ve conquered Wokingham Surprise then I’ll desist.
They’ll none of them be missed; they’ll none of them be missed.